November 30, 2007

I Want To Eat Her

My daughter, that is. Still weird to say that. Anyhoo... on with the picture show (Mabel at 2 mos).

"You know, Nana... you're kind of funny.

No, I mean you're FUNNY.

Wow, that was HILARIOUS (Whoa! Catch me!)

(that's the pink hat my mommy made me - it looks goofy but it's totally snuggly)

Hey... what's on my shirt?


Wait... that was FUNNY (and so are my chins)!

Aren't I beautimus in my darling outfit? Yes, my mommy keeps me in a hat. She says I look scrumptious when I wear one. Eat me up!

Now here I am on a different day and my mommy is trying to make me smile at her. I'm too busy looking at ....wait....whoa... there go my eyes again!

Yep, I'm cute. Wearing a hat again.

Okay. No hat.

Here's one my mommy took of me and Nana last night for the sole purpose of exploiting my superfatness. Yes, I am only 9 weeks old and I already weigh 12 lbs. I am aware. I may be pear-shaped. I am okay with that. She keeps calling me her little hippopotamus. I think it's a compliment.

And finally, here I am with my big brothers. Isn't funny how they don't look alike at all but I look like both of them? Wacko, I tell ya.

Thanks for looking!"

Halloween, As Promised

I hate to even post something on Halloween for a couple of reasons. Our big family boat "tip" started the day before, so the kids celebrated Halloween differently this year. The boys enjoyed going Trick or Treating with their cousins in a different neighborhood (though they whined they wouldn't get to see their school friends). Mabel stayed at an Aunt's and I went up to the hospital for visiting hours.

Even the pumpkins that we painted never made it outside. They sat on the kitchen countertop for two weeks before I noticed they were still there. Poor things. I had to take a picture to proove to the kids that we did in fact try to celebrate Halloween this year. Andy said the pumpkins looked like a vampire, a princess, and George Washington, lol.

Here they are - the vampire, the princess, and George Washington (right to left):

And here are Darth Vader (can you see Andy's eyes in there, lol?) and the ninja (I personally dislike ninja costumes or anything violent, but he begged and begged).

That's it folks. Yes, really. I took 3 pictures of the boys before they left and they are all 3 exactly the same. Mabel wore an adorable Halloween print playsuit with pumpkin hat, but I didn't even get a picture of it. I have no idea how I'm going to scrap Halloween this year. :(

November 28, 2007


Just a couple of weeks ago, I was in the thrusts of what was happening to me (to us) and on my way to the hospital for another visit. I was feeling blue, out of sorts, like my life was happening TO me and I wasn't really "in" it. I flipped on the CD player in the truck and played one of my favorite songs. I listened to this song a lot last year when I miscarried our first girl - it helped quite a bit. But never has a song better fit a circumstance than this song to our present one.

Grace by Kate Havnevik (from the Grey's Anatomy Season 2 Soundtrack)

I’m on my knees
Only memories
are left for me to hold

Don’t know how
But I’ll get by
Slowly pull myself together
(I’ll get through this)

There’s no escape
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal

Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace

I feel the cold
Loneliness unfold
Like from another world

Come what may
I won’t fade away
But I know I might change

Nothing comes easily
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace

Nothing comes easily
Where do I begin?
Nothing can bring me peace
I’ve lost everything
I just want to feel your embrace

I cannot explain to you what hearing this song does to me right now. It is such clarity, such grief for the changes that surround me, such utter loneliness that comes over me when I hear it. Those feelings break way to me praying, as if I am speaking directly with God Himself about my life. After all, He is in control of it and while I may be terrified beyond belief, I really must b.r.e.a.t.h.e and have faith.

Now, in the evenings I often send the boys downstairs to play and I watch some Lifetime. Me and Mabel really love Lifetime (how sad is that, lol). Anyway, I never watched the show 'Reba' when it was on, but I really like it now. The very first time I heard it come on I was hooked - the song at the intro had tears streaming down my cheeks. While the entire song (though good) doesn't speak to me, a certain verse does:

I'm A Survivor by Reba McIntyre

My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changin' fast
Who I am is who I wanna be

A single mom who works two jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands and the heart of a fighter
I'm a survivor

This is such a strange place to be standing. It really is. I am grateful for my three darling angels and for the man who gave them to me. I am grateful for my life, though I no longer understand it or its' direction. I have doubt about all those "plans" I made years ago. Things I thought I'd never be thinking again have crept in. Worries that I never thought I'd ever face. But I know God is good. He hears us and answers our plea. This just may very well be a time when He needs to carry me through.

This Is Making Me HAPPY

So, back to work means back to being able to read my favorite blogs (my new place only has dial up internet access). I found this today on Cathy Zielske's blog and I cannot WAIT to do it.

It's a gratitude journal or book of thanks. According to Cathy, the idea came from Emily Falconbridge. Some investigation led me to Emily's blog and her gorgeous photo of her journal (which she is writing in daily as opposed to weekly). Aren't they both beautiful? I want some green jump rings...

The thought is you grab up 52 sheets of scrap paper from notepads, scrapping, notebook pages, etc and then trim them as you see fit. Then you 3 hole punch them into a book (jump rings, I'm thinking). It is optional whether or not you number the pages (I will, I think - even if it's handwritten). Then at the end of each week, you write down what you're grateful for that week, what made you happy, what inspired you, or journal a bit. You add stickers or pictures if you want, staple them in or whatever.

I LOVE this. I love it because I feel like I NEED this so much. I need a constant reminder during all of this mess of all that I am thankful for, each and every week. I love that I can combine a journal with a scrapbook, with something to keep track of the cute little things the boys and Mabel do... and I will be forced to keep it out on a shelf so that I can write in it. So, that's something pretty to look at.

Wanna do it with me?

November 26, 2007

It Feels Brand New

Today is a brand new day. Part of a brand new week, which I think is part of a brand new life.

Today I went back to work following my maternity leave, and following the schlew (is that how you spell that?) of tips our family boat has taken in the past 3 months.

Today I dropped off my boys at their new school and left my little girl with my mother. There are changes all around me.

Today I found out that my job might be going away sometime between now and mid-January. Well, I guess that was enough of a kick in the ass to help me find a new one... fast.

Today I have to call my attorney and ask some really tough questions.

So, it's all brand new.

Also, as I am now back to work, I should be able to upload photos sooooooooon. You poor blog readers. I'm so sorry! My life has been turned upside down and while I am pleased to tell you I finally DID get out my camera to capture pics of my sweet baby, it has been far too catastrophic to even think of uploading until now. I will try to do so more often. Halloween pictures await!

November 12, 2007


I'm updating. Because I'm blessed to have people checking in on us.

Since this is a public blog, I am limited to what I can say really - and out of respect for our unique situation I won't be saying much. But I will say that things are changing in our household, out of anyone's control really. I don't yet know what that means, but it's going to be challenging and maybe exciting, sad and happy at the same time. It means living differently, maybe a different school for the kids, different lives. I could still use your prayers for strength and courage. And please send some for the kids, too.

I promise to publish those Halloween pictures soon - when I have time to sit down and breathe for more than just a few seconds. I am ashamed to say that life has been in such fast-forward that I haven't taken a single picture of my baby girl in more than 2 weeks. Seriously. That's really saying something, too.

An aunt took these of her last week, which I am happy to share.