February 28, 2008

**News Flash** I Am a DORK.

In case you didn't know already. I have always been and always will be a complete dork.

So yesterday I ran to Wendy's to grab a fish sandwich and baked potato. I went through the drive through and asked for my extra sour cream and butter when ordering, and then reminded them at the window when I didn't get them in my bag. That's neither here nor there, just a might bit frustrating because they do it every dang time.

I brought my lunch back to the office and settled into my cube to work and eat (something I do every day). After washing my hands and unwrapping my sandwich, I sat down to eat. What follows next is what the guy sitting in the cube next to me overheard.

*rustling, cursing, and unwrapping noise*

*keyboard and mouse clicking*

*sudden LOUD spoogy, slurpy, farting noise*

*me, gasping out loud*

*me, laughing hysterically*

*me, running past his cube, still laughing, and into the next cube of my friend*

Me: "Friend, do you have any napkins?" Still laughing hysterically. "I've made a mess."

(She didn't have any but offered me a few tissues.)


The look on his face as I walked back by was priceless and humiliating at the same time. And it didn't occur to me that he might have been offended or grossed out or even interested in what I'd been doing over here. Maybe I should tell him so he doesn't assume I'm a pig.

No, I did not crap my pants if that's what you were wondering. Nor did I make tootie like Mabel always does.

I was sitting there all innocent-like and opening the first triangular carton of sour cream. I tore carefully where it said ---tear here---. I squeezed gently and nothing happened. So I squeezed a little less gently and still nothing. Finally, I squeezed with some good effort and the back of the carton EXPLODED with a noise not unlike sounds I make the morning after too many Jaeger Bombs. Runny sour cream splatted past my elbow and onto my computer monitor, keyboard, docking station, and desk. I gasped from shock and then fell over, laughing at myself. Clearly I needed some napkins. I had made a mess.

*Sigh.*

I wonder where I get it from?

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