March 7, 2008

What Not To Wear

A late night Judyism for you lovely people.

My mother and I are watching What Not To Wear tonight on TLC. It's part of her all-day TLC-watch-makeover-shows-and-learn-how-to-look-young-and-trendy marathon. That happens every. single. day. But I digress.

Anyway, I was sitting there shoveling cinnamon Life cereal into my face as Stacy and Clinton were talking to "Dottie" about her inappropriate clothes and using words like "slut-tastic" and "travesty". Dottie was one of the precious souls who dressed like a stripper accidentally on purpose. All of her clothes were far too tight. In far too many places. And showed off far too much. She was on the wrong track.

So Judy is watching Stacy and Clinton and Dottie intently, clearly memorizing all of the rules so that she is ready the next time she decides to trade in her leopard unitard (and support stockings) for casual day wear. Then, she gets a puzzled look on her face. Still watching, still puzzled. More watching, more puzzled.

Finally she looks at me, discontent and asks, "what is a camel toe?"

I spit milk and cereal ALL OVER the coffee table.

I consider my answer. I giggle a little bit and tell her she's cute (which she now takes offense at because she's figured out it means that she's behind the times with something). I thought carefully for a few seconds and then went on to explain that this particular term is used when a woman pulls too-tight pants up too far and gets a wedgie in the front (it's the best I could do under pressure, People!). This wedgie looks like the two digits on a camel's foot, I say. Unpleasant. Unattractive. It's What Not To Wear, clearly.

She's still puzzled. After a moment, "what do you mean?"

Oh my. This is not something I ever thought I'd discuss with my mother. And it was clearly something she'd never thought she'd hear.

I repeated my previous analogy with some added anatomical terms and finally, she got it. She stared at me looking puzzled again. "Wouldn't that hurt?"

"I'm sure it would be uncomfortable," I said with another giggle.

And just like that, she turned around and so clearly made mental note not to pull her pants up too far. Ever.


  1. Oh MY GOSH!!!! You crack me up girll I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. I was cring that is to funny. Behave Later

  2. I am guilty of watching those crazy shows for hours on end. But the camel toe cracked me up! You explained it exactly how I would! But you would never believe what I had to explain to my mom one day! Whew, it was a doozy!