June 19, 2009

A Comment About The One

Oh, Internet, I love you.

But I forget sometimes that there are more people than my handful of friends and my mother who read this thing. And I forget that while many of you have read from the beginning and understand my adorable wit and humor, some of you have not and do not.

But something has me honked off and I need to talk about it.

Yesterday I received several emails and comments about my post on The One. Apparently not everyone has their head as high up in the clouds as me. Apparently not everyone still believes in the notion of Prince Charming or The One.

In fact, someone went so far as to say my list was unfair to any future suitors and suggested I open my heart to any ole possibility and be happy to have someone who would love me and my kids. While I appreciate these cautious comments, I think that is total bullshit.

Yes, I said bullshit.

I will never settle. Especially not because I have children.

You're never going to convince me that true love doesn't exist. You'll never change my mind about Prince Charming or The One. And I will tell you why:

Because I know that Prince Charming isn't perfect; that doesn't make him any less of a Prince.


The One exists. God has absolutely designed someone out there for each one of us. He wants us to be happy, to have love. Now, I'm not stupid. I realize I just divorced a man that I thought was The One for a good number of years and I still believe he was. Was. But there came a time when he wasn't my One anymore. Perhaps there isn't one One for all of us for our entire lives (for some of us, yes). I am looking for The One - The Right One - for my life right now.

So, while I don't feel I need to justify anything to the internet, I'm going to ellaborate just so you all don't think I'm terribly high maintenance and crazy with the list. Perhaps I should have said:

  1. If the guy doesn't think I'm funny and can't laugh with me - he is NOT for me.
  2. If they guy doesn't think that my body and my mind are sexy - he is NOT for me.
  3. If the guy is unable to love my children as if they were his own - he is NOT for us.
  4. If the guy can't make me feel better when I'm scared or anxious - he is NOT for me.
  5. If he isn't a little interested in MY world - my creativity, passion, and love - then he is NOT for me.
  6. The One will be in love with Jesus. - I'm sorry; this is non-negotiable. Period.
  7. If the guy doesn't love me for who I am, then he's not The One.
  8. Life is busy; we all have jobs and hobbies. But if the guy can't stop what he is doing and spend just a little time with me - he is NOT for me. I cannot stress the importance of this point. This is a dealbreaker for me.
  9. If there is no chemistry - he is NOT for me.
  10. The right guy won't be scared of romance. He will be able to talk about how he feels in his own way. He might not be good at it, but dang it - he won't be scared of it.
  11. If the guy can't find a way to fold the kids and I into his life - then he is NOT for us. This might not happen immediately, but the Right One will try.
  12. If the guy doesn't make me feel safe and protected or stand up for me -he is NOT for me.
  13. If the guy can't sit and relax with me sometimes, or allow me to flutter about with nervous cleaning energy on a rainy Saturday morning - he is NOT for me.
  14. If the guy doesn't appreciate the thought and love that goes into the meals I prepare, the quilts I sew, the laundry I do, the love I make - and if the guy isn't willing to spend a little time with me WHILE I do those things "hand me the tomatoes, would you?" - then he is NOT for me.
  15. If the guy can't play with my kids or help around the house in some way - he is NOT for us.
  16. If the guy cannot at least attempt to handle my neurotic tendencies, constant story-telling, or discussion of vomit, poop, boogers, or fallopian tubes - he is NOT for me.
  17. If the guy can't handle WHO I AM - which is a big loudmouth - well, then I doubt he's made it this far anyway.
  18. If the guy isn't worth me stretching myself, pushing myself to limits I've never seen before - taking me out of my comfort zone to tell him how I feel about him - he is NOT for me. I have to be a little ballsy. I have to be me.

I have to be me. And let God do the rest.


** Oh, and to the commenters who inspired this post: please don't feel picked on. I really do appreciate your comments. You made me think about this all night and the more I thought about it, the more I knew I needed to post a response to this attitude.

9 comments:

  1. it makes me really sad that there were people who said things in such poor taste regarding your last post. i think it is great when women have high (and still reasonable) standards for the men in their lives. especially when they have children. settling for someone for the sake of being married was never what God intended. as His daughter, you deserve the man you described- a man of high character.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think your requirements are more than reasonable. It took me three marriages to find my one and God put him right in front of me when the last thing I wanted was any man at all. You are right. Those who doubt it can happen are full of it. Let God take the reins and He will find your One and Only.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Having just finished with a week of Australian themed VBS, I have just one thing to say, "Good on ya Mate!" Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I get where you are coming from with that list! I am a long time lurker but decided the time was right to say hi! Keep the faith - he is out there!

    ReplyDelete
  5. After having a "difficult" Father's day, I came home and decided to catch up on blog reading. I think I read thru your entire blog! Doing so gave me a shot of faith I was badly in need of, Thank you!
    I have 16 blankets done, will be needing address to ship them off. Please check out my blog!
    Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
  6. BessiemaeJune 27, 2009

    Amen, Sistah. I stumbled upon your blog last night, and now, tonight at 12:40 am, I'm up to this post. You are FABULOUS, and you deserve The One. He's out there. You'll find him. You are a gem. I've so enjoyed reading your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJuly 07, 2009

    I'm visiting your blog for the first time. I had old Two Peas mail you had taken the time to write me concerning the blanket project that I had forgotten about until today.

    I was really touched by your One list. I'm 20 years into a marriage to a man who probably only would meet one item on my own One list-assuming I had ever taken the time to think about and make one. It's a comfortable marriage but does not provide me with much happiness.

    Hold out for The One. You deserve great joy in your life. Stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  8. HI Rachel, Glad to meet you, and I am enjoying your blog.

    Married 21 years to the same guy. Does he fit all of those qualifications? Probably not.
    If I had to do it again, I think I'd have a tighter list.
    We learn though. And we grow. And we pray that we find the person who can help us get to heaven, and get our children there. Keep the faith.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can't even tell you how long I've been lurking around your blog. It's really good! I love reading all of your stories and seeing the things you have made.

    I can not believe that someone would have caused this post to occur. I went through the original post and read through the list of what The One should be capable of doing and I don't think that list is too far off. The One should be more that willing to do each and every one of the items on your list. Like you said (some where) this is your place and you should be able to say what you feel.

    I can't believe that someone questioned you. It's just crazy.

    Well anyway, thanks for keeping me up half the night. I'll be back. :)

    ReplyDelete