August 5, 2009

Things, They Are A-Changin'

Where to begin?

First, in order to keep it real on the ole' blog I guess I need to tell you that Shoes came to visit. No, I did not stutter, lol. He and Feet drove out and spent 52 hours with the kids. Well, less with Mabel because she is the 'side of peas' in this sad situation. The boys are viewed as a set and she is the extra, I'm afraid. Being ever accommodating, I agreed to babysit my own daughter while Shoes took the boys to their baseball game. It's sad, really. It's Mabel that needs extra time with him.

So they are back now and Shoes and Feet are on their way back to Ohio. I am thrilled he came, glad he got to see the kids, and thrilled I won't need to deal with that again for a while.
More has happened.

Some time in the last two weeks I began to reevaluate my budget. Shoes is still unemployed, making child support basically non-existent. My budget is getting too tight. Uncomfortably tight. Tight enough to make me freaking PANIC. Like hyperventilate.

Back to school clothes, shoes, and supplies
Cleats for football for Trevor
Andy's birthday

Upcoming Christmas (it's only 4 months away, People)
Bills and crap

So I have made a decision. At first I tormented myself, but once I saw the light it was decided.
We have to move.

Oh, we're staying in Da Plains, don't you worry. But my rent is too high. What wasn't too high before has become strangling. My lease is up in two months and I need to give notice in less than one. I have been looking for a place near my workplace. It's a small town, which I love. I have found two possibilities and as with everything in my life, am forced to WAIT. I am waiting on God's timing, I reckon. I don't know if we'll get either one. If we don't then it's back to square one. Or, God's will could change this entire situation and one of the two homes could be ours within a couple of months.

I am praying for God to lead the way here. He knows that I am panicked. He knows that I literally cannot go on like this for longer than my lease (convenient, that). If you're willing, I covet your prayers for this next chapter in our lives.

The idea of moving into a house has me dreaming of this:

photo cred


  1. I will pray that you get things settled AND I will pray that Shoes finds a job where he can man up and be a supporting father.

  2. love ur blog!! i get ya on the having to move and dreaming of that pic. We are low income and live in an apartment. i want a house so bad. Fortunatley I cant bring myself to move because I am comfortable with the bills. But I want a house soooo bad! a yard!! i have my 3 preschoolers in a two bedroom but I figure Hey its working and they dont know the difference.

  3. Sorry to hear of your situation, and Mabel's. I think Shoes should have sent money instead of making the trip but that's my opinion and of course you didn't ask for that! :o Hang in there, rely on God. HE won't desert you.

  4. Hi! I wanted to say I have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now. You seem strong and capable and upbeat, so I know you'll make it.

    I lived, at one point, in a one bedroom apartment with my two kids. I made it. I always told myself I won't ever allow myself to NEED the child support, cause I knew from day one that I couldn't count on it.

    Shoes is only hurting himself with Mabel. Some day the kids will all be mature enough to size things up. Between now and then, God will bring you a wonderful man who will love all your kids like they are his own.

    Hang in there!

  5. Rachel, You have me in tears here. I remember my own young life so well, the tears, fears and down right terror wondering what is going to happen to my babies. You need to stop everything, let shoes figure out what is holding him back and start thinking of you. Just you. Then let it all go to God, you might be surprised, I won't be. Hugs girl, Elaine

  6. I love how everyone has silly names for their ex's and ex's new person. That's terrible that your little girl had to stay home. Hopefully it will just be an opportunity for your relationship to strengthen even more with her.

    Growing up in a farm house in the country, I hated having to help hang laundry. But now I would love it. Just think of the money saved by not having to run the dryer. Good luck getting the place of your dreams. :)

  7. I was so sadden when I read this post last night. I feel very badly for Mable and wonder if the boys did not call him Daddy would she even know who he was. I am sorry about you situation and having to move. Be glad you have an option. Our property is neighbored by family so our options aren't as open. I am praying for you, the kids and shoes.

  8. will pray for you all.

    here in sudan often it's so hot and dry that by the time you hang out the washing, the first thing you hung is dry! which is good because there's so much dust/sand here you end up with alot of washing!!!
    :-) lucy