There are moments when I look over at him and can't believe he's the same guy that I fell in love with so many months ago. Not that I even knew it at the time, but I was so smitten with him.
I work with B and see him every day. I remember the day he started at our company. I remember adding his picture to the New Hire slide of our townhall presentation that month. I'd see him in the halls and I was mesmerized. Genuinely nice, a KILLER smile, and eyes that made me feel like I'd been hit with electricity when he looked back at me.
Over those first few weeks I found reasons to be out and about in the plant, accepting new projects that would require his assistance. We talked. Joked. Flirted. Actually, I wasn't sure we were flirting; my attenae had been "off" for so long that it took me a bit to realize it was the real thing. This is the part where he would roll his eyes if I were telling you this over dinner and a glass of Pinot Noir. He would add that he was finding reasons to be near me and flirting so hard he nearly sprained something. He would also tell you that I was paying him very little attention.
It was over MONTHS that I went into my friend's office and said, "Does this sound like flirting?" I'd rehash a conversation or a smile and she'd just shake her head. "He likes you back, Rachel." But I was too bullheaded to believe it. Really? I even went so far as to date someone else during that time, so sure that B was just a friend. Or at least dating someone else, I mean, how on earth could a guy that amazing be single? Because he was patiently waiting for me, going home at night to tell his friends about the girl in the office.
Silently, I liked him. More than that, honestly. It seemed crazy, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. Being around him made me feel incredible. He was always so supportive, so genuine. I fell in love with every ounce of his character. And I always left his side all swoony and gooey. So I prayed about him. Often. And every day we got closer. To hear B tell his side of those gooey weeks when we were dating without realizing it would stop your heart, its so sweet.
It was sometime around the middle of January that I finally woke up and looked around and realized he was smiling back at me. It took me long enough. As soon as I knew, I KNEW. From then on, we have been US. Plain and simple. Both of us, all in.
I'm rambling. What was my point? Oh yes.
Sometimes I look at him in awe. Look over at him on the couch or in the truck and literally can't believe he is that guy I've been searching for. That same guy that had me mesmerized for months. Holy shit, he's really real. He really was searching for me, too... waiting until our time was right. And he loves me back... like, a lot!
And then I think of how easy it would have been for both of us to be too afraid to take that first step... each of us having survived things in our pasts. But we could both feel the ember burning all those months ago, low and warm and REAL. So we put the fear aside, reached for one another's hands, and went after the happy. All in. Balls to the wall. Go big or go home.
I can't let myself dwell in awe, though. My breath catches in my throat and the blessings overwhelm me. It's usually then that he catches me looking at him and smiles. And I faint.
Love is an amazing, amazing thing. Just something I was thinking this morning. Hope you're all feeling blessings overwhelm you, too.