I am asked alot about moving forward, about failure. A lot, I tell you. Usually in blog comments (some I publish, most I do not because they are too personal for the commenter), but also by email. Then they sit in my brain and fester.
Why is it that divorced people feel they have failed at something? I think that's hogwash. Now... I say that, but I promise you, I've felt that way, too. I am human. We need to deprogram that automatic reaction immediately. Thinking yourself a failure for a ruined marriage IS HORSE SHIT. Don't do it.
Remember this instead.
Eventually, you will start to see the light at the end of the process. You'll begin to hope again. For me, it was earlier than I expected. I still waited until the ink was on the paper to date again (because that's how I roll), but the hope was there. Love everlasting. I knew that my dreams of having a husband and a full family once again would be materialized one day. I just... KNEW.
It breaks my heart that we think of our marriages as failures for even one second. Stop thinking you failed! Think instead of your successes. Think about what you want every day. Allow yourself to dream out loud and on paper. Via blog, if you're me. PRAY IT OUT. Talk to the big JC like He's sitting right next to you (because He is).
Remember that if you think negatively, you will spread negative around. You'll drag yourself lower than you were before. Resist. Don't cloud your thoughts with worry of the unknown. Let yourself HOPE. Find your confidence.
Remember that challenges in life are what make us grow and strengthen. We've all heard 'that which does not kill us makes us stronger.' It's true, Folks. God allows certain challenges to cross our paths and then gives us everything we need to overcome. Overcoming something difficult makes you a warrior. Doesn't matter if you contributed to it... you are learning and growing from it.
Don't be afraid to dream big. You are capable of BIG. You can kick ass. Take hold of your future and make it what you want it to be. Pray it out. Ask for it. EVERY DAY. But do the legwork to get there; you have to do your part. Give back to balance your life. Remind yourself that your destiny is between you and God alone. Work it out with Him.
In my case, I felt a physical pull to move to Da Plains, to do something more with my life and to provide a more wholesome environment for my children. God provided with a job here and I obeyed. It was incredibly scary to load the kids and the UHaul and drive 13 hours to somewhere I'd never lived... and incredibly peaceful to know at the same time that I was doing what God wanted. Have I ever mentioned that? Yes, I felt the hand of God waving over my life that August. It was amazing and tingly. God knew my dreams and He knew how to help me achieve them.
And I prayed for love. Lulu reminded me to pray for my husband, whoever and wherever he was. So I prayed for his soul, for his health and for that of his family. I prayed for the Lord to bring him into my life when He felt I was ready. I prayed to be confident in my independence but also ready to let love in when it was time.
And, Dude. Props to Notebook Doodles, whose gorgeousness is all over this post today.
And Dear B: You have contributed to this post more than you know. Thank you for being the physical proof of the faith I have had all along. When I look at you, I know so much more about God's love. You have a gorgeous soul. I know what being obedient and faithful means. I am beyond thankful for you in our lives.