July 22, 2010

Note To Self: Get The Effing Motor Fixed

So as I have previously mentioned (because I never whine or complain), I worked a LOT this week. That isn't normal for me. I mean, I work hard - I work diligently - but I do not generally put in long hours very often. It's been a blessing my entire motherhood that I have the exact profession I do. I digress.

Anyway, yesterday was an 18 hour workday. I was up by 5 and at work at 6. I ran meetings with our Ethiopian liasons every hour on the hour from 7am through 5pm. Then I had a dinner meeting that lasted all together too long. I was downtown and by the time I left the restaurant, it was almost 10.

And also, it was pouring. Siamese and Scotty dogs were falling from the sky-pouring.

And then I remembered that the rear windshield wiper motor on my truck has an electrical problem (which we found after the alternator and 2 batteries and hours of work on the bugger), which necessitated the temporary removal of the first fuse in the under dash panel so that it would stop draining the power from the battery.

Fuse 1 also controls the front windshield wipers.


Did I tell you I was wearing a dress? Yep. Was. And 3" heels.

Nevertheless, I grabbed the needlenose pliers and found the tiny fuse in the console. I'd put it in and taken it out in the garage several times. How much worse could it be on the side of the road? Downtown? At night? In a hurricane?

Turns out, it freaking sucks.

I left my heels on because I couldn't see the ground in the dark and didn't want to step on something dangerous or unseemly. I climbed over the center console and sat on the passenger seat. The fuse panel is directly under the dash, tucked in the corner between the footwell and the door. I pulled my dress down about as far as I could get it, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

The rain hit me like fat pellets. The wind gusts blew my hair everywhere. Still, I was resolved to do this myself. Was going to pop it in the slot and then call B to brag about my automotive prowess. He would be proud! He would love my gumption!

And then the back of my dress blew up and exposed my ass to half of downtown. I know my ass was showing because I was wearing a thong yesterday. The water was pouring down so hard and the wind blowing so much, that my hair was still getting wet under the dash. The needlenose pliers slipped in my hands and I dropped the fuse.

Did I mention that the fuse is smaller than a dime? About the size of a contact lens, I would say. Thin, smooth plastic. The kind that slips through your fingers when they are wet.

I used the light from my phone to illuminate the crevice where the fuse was supposed to go, but again, the rain washed it out of the pliers' grip. I pulled my dress down and shoved my hand inside the wall well and scooped around until I found it. The next time I dropped it, it went under the floor mat. It was a matter of time before it fell out the door and into the thick stream of water racing toward the curb.

More than once, I'll admit, I jumped back in the truck, slammed the door, and yelled a few obscenities. I'm human, you know. And at that point, I was one pissed off human. And I was cold and wet. And had shown my hiner to half of downtown. Which was also wet. My hair was pasted to my face and my dress was dripping when I picked up the phone, dried it with a McDonald's napkin, and tried to call B.

I wasn't sure if I was going to cry damsel in distress, bitch it out, or cry... but it didn't matter because he was sound asleep on the other end. He fell asleep waiting for me to call, so I was on my own.

Again, I opened the door and steeled my resolve. Again, my dress blew up and my butt got wet. Literally, People. I'm not sure you realize how humiliating that part was. My hide was chapped, as it were. Again, I laid on the footwell, put my knees and toes on the dirty pavement, and craned myself up under the dashboard. With one hand, I turned the phone on for light and with the other FINALLY slid the Fuse 1 home.

It had taken more than 25 minutes.

My drive home was also awful, but I've complained enough for one post. The moral of the story is: if your back windshield wiper motor is broken and you have to pull the fuse in order to not kill your truck, GET THE EFFING MOTOR FIXED.

Now, how about a random photo to make you feel better? I know it worked for me.



  1. AnonymousJuly 23, 2010

    Wow, that sounds AWFUL. So glad you got the fuse in (way to go!) and made it home safely. Do you get the weekend off, I hope?


  2. Holy Cow. Yeah, that totally sucks! Glad you made it work!

  3. Oh bless you! That's so embarrassing! I flashed my ass to an old man once when I was walking up the hill to work one morning and the wind got under my skirt! It made his day anyway! x