July 22, 2010

The One With Barbie Buttcrack

Today is a rough day. It is rough because I worked 18 hours yesterday and 18 hours the day before. Tonight I'm going home to clean up my house (which looks like a tornado hit it), do laundry, and pack suitcases for 3 little people who are going back for another 3 week visit with their dad on Saturday (prayer request? Thank you!)

So, I'm tired. Pooped. Utterly amazed that I am sitting here awake just now. Eating a blueberry Poptart and drinking tea. Sounds classy in a Rachelish sort of way, but I assure you I feel like straight up ass.

Sorry. Did that offend? If it did, you don't want to read the rest of this post.

I'd like to share with you a little story from our weekend involving little Thelma here.


We were happily enjoying our evening as 6:

- Trevor was alternating between reading Harry Potter 6 and playing his DS
- Andy was alternating between watching Disney and chasing H around the house
- H was alternating between pushing her babydoll through the "grocery store" and teasing Andy
- Moo was alternating between pushing her Barbie dolls around the house and getting distracted by anything whatsoever
- B and I were standing in the kitchen, discussing life and sneaking kisses

Now, it had been a big weekend. We were all tired from working on lawns, running through the SlipNSlide 2,978 times, cleaning house, making plans, and working. More than one of us was whiny. Tired. A certain one of us kept misplacing her binky, too, so that wasn't helping things.

B and I were happy to steal any moments we could to stare at each other and whisper giggly things. Sort of trying to keep things laid back and quiet.

Suddenly, the Moo starts bellowing. LOUDLY. Both B and I turned toward Mabel, but all we could see from our side of the counter was the top of her head. She wasn't hurt; she was frustrated.

She stood up and started really hollering and flailing her hands around. I moved toward her... hmmm...no bugs (or wadybuds as she calls them). In fact, I couldn't see anything but her and her Barbie.

B glanced over, too. "What's wrong, Mabes?" But she wasn't talking, she was yelling in some foreign chickenese language. Then she'd quiet, we'd go back to talking, and 30 seconds later she'd start all over again.

Finally, B's heartstrings were yanking him over to where she was still crouched on the floor with her Barbie. She was hollering something fierce, jumping and flailing like fish on sand. [Sidenote: do you ever laugh at your kids? I mean, not when they are truly injured, but when they do something so lacking in common sense or innocence that they put themselves into an entirely hilarious situation? No? Well, then you're going to hate this.]

B started laughing.

Moo was still flopping and flailing.

"Hold still, Mabes. I'll get it!"



B was still laughing.

I couldn't see what in the heck was going on. Mabel was a mess of pink fluff (did I forget to say she was wearing a pink tu tu and Barbie heels?) and sweaty curls, still bellowing like a little cow, and there was B, sitting on the floor holding his stomach.

Finally, he bent over her hands, and all was quiet. Moo sniffled. Hugged B like he'd saved her life, and then stuck her Barbie doll back in the doll stroller and walked off in her tu tu.

B walked back into the kitchen, still laughing his ass off. Seems Moo had pinched her finger while playing with her Barbie. Not sure if she was dressing her or repositioning her or what, but she'd gotten her little finger plum stuck INSIDE the Barbie's butt crack.


You know, the seams between Barbie's plastic booty? Yep. Right there. Wrenched right in there. B had to bend that Barbie doll in ways he refused to describe to get her little purple finger to pop loose. And that doesn't sound the least bit pervy.


So then I started laughing. Belly laughing. Like, hard. I haven't quit since!


  1. Its tough being a girl. (those barbies really SHOULD come with a warning label ;)

    Love you! Lets chat when you have a moment to catch your breath. Miss you!

  2. Ha ha ha - yep, I laugh at mine all the time.....poor little thing - she probably didn't realize Barbie plays so rough!
    Hoping you get some rest soon and a chance to unwind!

  3. well that's a new one on me.... I really needed that laugh too.

    Someone has this Dad thing down pat already ;o)

  4. Well nice article. I enjoy reading it and it really make me laugh.I wish I have a little girl someday. Great post