June 20, 2011

God Gave Me A Book Of Love

We had a wonderful weekend. I'll share more when I upload the photos from yesterday, which will include this:

Until then, I feel moved to share something with you. This weekend, Bryon and I shared some very important conversation, some mixed up words, and stories of our past. It started out with misunderstanding something and then the simple fact that we are in fact, two different people, got our lines completely crossed. Men speak respect, not love. Women hear love and not respect. It’s how God made us and we can’t help it. He did it on purpose to grow both of those two parts in every individual you know, which means we have to WORK to understand someone of the opposite sex. Plus, we don’t really know each other yet.

It takes time to learn someone. Bryon and I have only been at this for about 16 months. Doesn’t that sound tiny? But a speck in our lifetime together. We forget that ALL the time.

It’s easy to feel like we’ve been married for more than a decade. It’s true; each of us WAS married for nearly that long, except not to one another. So on the one hand, all of the concerns about the little things are swept away, unneeded. That’s GOOD. But on the other, we get going on a jaunt where we are in sync on everything, finishing each other’s sentences, serving one another and looking out for each other’s needs and then… *W*H*A*M*… we are stranded in unchartered territory. Crap, how does he react to this? or… Shit, does she understand me when I say that? It’s not like there is yelling; we don’t fight. But there is awkward silence where we both try to guess what the other one means sometimes. Silly.

My point in telling you all this story is, that I love being new. I do. I love every single part of it. I love that in one minute it feels like we have known each other our whole lives long, and then in the next, he feels brand new to me. I imagine that might be incredibly frustrating to some, but it isn’t to me.

It’s like… God gave me a book to read for the rest of my life. I mean, God knows I love books and I love to read and reading makes me incredibly happy. So, being my Heavenly Father and knowing me better than anyone else, he sought out the very best book He could find for me, and then when He thought I was ready, He gave it to me. And I LOVE this book. Already this book is everything I’ve ever wanted plus a million things I never knew I did. This book is beautiful on the outside and inside, and chock full of love, confidence and strength. It feels good in my hands, soft and strong. It makes me feel amazing when I read it. So here I have this book… and it’s big. I’m only a chapter in, and each sentence and paragraph is long. The book is inches high. Thick. Heavy, like a responsibility. The chapter I’ve read so far is so spectacular that I already know that this will be my most favorite book ever and I will be changed by reading it. I will be better. I already know I will never put it down – not ever, even once.

Every sentence is familiar, but this story is new to me. It’s exciting to read because I don’t know what is coming next. [God does and I trust that.] Despite what might be waiting in the coming chapters, I look forward to getting there. Every page could be a landmine, or the most beautiful memory ever made… but the point is, I love it anyway. This book already has me emotionally involved (as the best of books do) and I’ve already made the decision to commit to reading this very book for a lifetime.

Our marriage is the book of love that God gave to me. Only one chapter in and I love it. Yes, even though every day could be a landmine. There could be a scary part at the turn of the next page, but… I don’t care. It’s my book and I love it. This book was meant for us by God. There are fun and joyful parts on every page. We look to find them and then we celebrate those moments.

Things with Bryon have been spectacular so far. I’m not delusional, I am just… happy. Happy in a way that is full of light and security. Bring on the next page. I’m ready! I love it already and I haven’t even read it yet!

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