December 15, 2011

Weddennessday on Thursday

I'm a day behind this week. Sorry.

We made cinnamon rolls last Saturday morning and crumb cake on Sunday morning. Seriously, I wasn't kidding about the feeding of my face. Tis the season for the curvature of my thighs! I can still fit in my pants, though, so I don't figure I'm in too much trouble yet.

I added the final layer of paint to my dining room wall. Pictures are delayed because it's dark when I get home and it's so, so awesome in God's daylight instead. I hope you'll be patient with me.

We watched Muppets In Space last weekend. When Mabel spotted Kermit The Frog, she went RACING down to her room, dug through the toxbox, and brought up one very old and very loved Kermie, who sat and watched the movie with her. Nana would be proud.

Bryon currently has bugs in his tummy (or that's how Mabel words it anyway). Prayers, please. When daddy is down for the count, it's a sad situation all around. We have two boys itching to wrestle... it's becomic volcanic, this pent up need to roll around on the floor with Dad. Seriously.

I need to talk about the "dad" and "daddy" thing for a moment please. I know that many of you readers come from blended families and are part of newly blended families yourselves. I appreciate the perspective that a biological parent's moniker is assumed: "mom/mother" and "dad/father" and is to never be forgotten. In our house, this is never ignored. Hayley's mother is and will always be her mother, but I am the mother inside the walls of our house. If she chooses to call me "mom," I'm not going to correct her because she is not wrong. If her heart sees me as a mother, then she should be allowed to speak that without ridicule or correction.  

Likewise, Shoes is and will always be the father of my 3, but Bryon is the dad inside the walls of our house. He is the leader of our family, the father, the provider. If my 3 choose to call him "dad," we are not going to correct them because they are not wrong. If their heart sees him as another father, then they should be allowed to say that without being corrected or made to feel guilty. EVER. Just as parents have the capacity to have more children and love them all equally, children also have the capacity to love multiple parents equally. It is NOT choosing one over the other; it's witnessing God grow the size of their hearts to include another person.

Adult insecurities need to be put away for the better of the children in this situation. To make a child feel guilty for that added love in their hearts is shameful.

I know that for the entirety of my 10 year marriage to Shoes, he called his stepdad "Dad." I cannot speak for Shoes, but it warmed MY heart to see that he loved and appreciated his stepfather and was proud to call him "Dad" his whole life long. That sets good example for our children, who are now part of a blended family. I pray that he continues that love and appreciation, and wraps with it an understanding that they are now the ones who have a stepdad and the same situation on their hands. Their hearts are bigger because of it.

Mabel in particular calls Bryon "Daddy." Of course she would; he's been that figurehead since she was 2. No one told her to call him anything and he was "Bwyan" for the longest time. Then one day, she just... changed, all on her own. She gave up trying to differentiate something within her heart. There is no need for confusion there! She loves them both and calls them both the same. It's ludicrous to think she will forget who MADE her because we will never stop reminding her that Shoes is her father. He will continue to have his own relationship with her. But one made her and the other will raise her. No better example of having two daddies. I think it's a blessing and I am grateful.

The boys do it, too, on occassion. Theirs is more deliberate because they are old enough to know the social difference between father and stepfather. Their hearts consider them both equally loved, but their heads make them worry about feeling guilty. What if Shoes hears them? What if Bryon's not receptive? What if, what if, what if. Poor little puppies. They test the waters with it and then look to see if we will correct them (and of course we would not). Andy especially. He writes in his journal and draws pictures of his "dad" - then he sneaks it over to us, like a 7th grader passing a note with a giggle. I've overheard Andy call Bryon "dad" several times. I've never called it out - and neither has Bryon. It's allowed at our house. It's a feeling, it was earned, and it is allowed. Trevor is older and feels the social difference even more but he, too, has said it a few times. I would even venture to say that Trevor most needs and wants affection from Bryon, out of all 3. They have a very special bond, those 2. Both were the oldest of 3 following a divorce. Bryon knows the hurt that Trevor has felt, the worry and the balance that Trevor tries to find. There is a constant reminder of respect for Shoes in our home, even though they don't see him as often. That is DRIVEN by Bryon. I love that the boys have him every day. It's a blessing and I am grateful.

Now. That is all I have to say about that.

I am so thankful that Buck is still the Man.

We're almost finished with Christmas Shopping. I'd say 90%. Nothing is wrapped mind you, but we're nearing the turn. And when I say "we" I totally mean *I* - but I'm shopping on behalf of both of us, so that counts right? And let's face it, I purchase for a living. I'm just better at shopping. He is better at doing boy things and I am better at shopping. It works for us.

I need to tell the world that I am PISSED off at the commercialization of Christmas. I know that my previous Christmas post touched on it a bit, but I am incredibly irritated by the lack of Christian-themed decorations this year. Where are the angels? Where is BABY JESUS, for goodness sakes! Happy Holidays my ass. We don't celebrate the holidays. We celebrate THE BIRTH OF CHRIST. *Deep breath.*

I have a need to watch New In Town soon. It reminds me of why I am in love with this place that I live. Morals abound. God's music and all.

For some reason, my blog header is all wonked out. Why is it blurry? What the heck?! It didn't start out that way and now I look like I don't know how to maintain a proper blog. Jeez.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent post. Very well said.

    Patty from Cincinnati

    (I'm still figuring out how to post. I'm not anonymous!)