April 30, 2012

On Loving You



 
I'm gonna tell you what. Loving you is easy. Loving you - being all in - was one of the easiest things I've done as me. It's also one of the biggest blessings God has ever given me.
 
Over the past few months we have grown together in ways I never expected. Ways that I never achieved in any previous relationship. Ways that drug us through dirt with filth and bullies, ways that required our four knees upon the beige carpet being footstools to the Lord. I am in love with our marriage. Did you know? Not just you, but with our marriage, too.
 
I admit, I love our arguments. They are passionate and strong. But from inside of them, even when the hurt is swirling, I can feel you trying to care. You are entirely Bryon, the exact Bryon that I love. And you make me want to try 1000 ways to tell you my side in a way that you will understand with your blue brain. You struggle with pink, my love. But you STRUGGLE. One cannot struggle without effort; thank you for that. And when you tell me that you know I'm hurting and you have no idea what to do, well, that sort of heals a lot right there, I have to say. And you never stop trying to learn me. You never stop listening. You are relentless in trying to understand this me that I am. And let me tell you, I don't even get me sometimes.
 
There are so very, very many things that I adore about you. Your courage and demeanor in battle is one. The way you lead our family and prioritize our relationship, even when it's hard - that's another one. The way you father our four, individually and uniquely catered to each of them [including the 3 that you didn't make], oh yes. Your green eyes and your willingness to help shoulder my life's load. The way you share with me and dump your day on me, just to clean out your head. I adore the MANness that you are. You are a stubborn, sometimes-crotchety, not-old man who speaks man, breathes man, and hurts like a man. You also communicate like a man. I'll never get it and I'll never get enough of it. 
 
Your love for the Lord, now that one's my favorite. This afternoon you told me that you rocked out to some David Crowder Band on the way into the plant this morning, breathing every lyric from your heart. Yes. THAT.
 
 



This place is trying to break my belief
But my faith is bigger than all I can see
What I need is redemption
What I need is for You for to put me back on my feet

Wha ah ooooh ooooh oooh
Wha ah ooooh ooooh ooh oh

I swear I'm trying to give everything
But I feel I'm falling, oh make me believe
What I need is resurrection
What I need is for You to put me back on my feet

Wha ah ooooh ooooh oooh
Wha ah ooooh ooooh ooh ohhh

If I could feel You shine Your perpetual light
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight
If I could feel You feel You shine
Oh let me feel You shine
So beautiful and warm
So beautiful and bright
Like a sun comin' out of a rainy sky
Oh let me feel You shine Oh,
Let me feel You shine

I lift the knife to the thing I love most
Praying You'll come so I can have both
What I need is for You to touch me
What I need is for You to be the thing that I need

Wha ah ooooh ooooh oooh
Wha ah ooooh ooooh ooh ohhh

If I could feel You shine your perpetual light
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight
If I could feel You feel You shine
Oh let me feel You shine
So beautiful and warm
So beautiful and bright
Like a sun comin' out of a rainy sky
Oh let me feel You shine
God I need a Savior
O come Generous King
O God I need a Savior
To come rescue me

Oh let me feel You shine Your magnificent light
Then maybe I could crawl out of this tonight
If You let me feel You feel You shine
Oh let me feel You shine
So beautiful and warm
So beautiful and bright
Like a sun comin' out of a rainy sky
Oh let me feel You shine

Let me feel You shine
Let me feel You shine

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