January 1, 2013
Happy New Year 2013
Wow, really? I can't decide if I'm excited 2013 is here or thoroughly depressed. Another year is gone; another one I'll never get back.
There are a few things I wish I could do over again, though I'm very happy with myself today and realize that everything I've endured and screwed up has brought me to this exact space. And I love this space.
And thank God Bryon loves me as much as he does because I am so hard on him some days. I am still afraid. Ever fearful that he will decide that I am not worth the investment of time, or that other things are more important to his heart than my love. Damn Shoes for that scar. It's ugly and I'm trying to heal it up, but there it is, raw and real. It's smaller, but it still exists, and some days, that really pisses me off. But then I see my husband is full of scars, too, raw and real. And that makes me love him even more for entrusting me with loving on his imperfect body. There is such beauty in imperfection.
Also, I sort of suck as a blogger right now. It's not intentional. My days have changed and I haven't figured out how to take the time to blog regularly like I used to. I can queue the posts up, but even I know that they don't have the same HUZZAH as when I take the time to write them when I'm feeling them. I need to work on that.
On the other hand, so many wonderful things happened in my life in 2012 and I am beyond grateful. I am marveled at this life that God has entrusted me with.
I got to see my mom this year. After a long recovery following her Judy Bovine surgery, my mother is back in the saddle as one of my best friends. I am beyond grateful for that soft and pink spot she holds in my heart.
I was able to lay my eyes on Mindy, too. Her family came just weeks ago and it was, oh my, soooo awesome to collide with her peeps again. Felt good to do girl stuff.
This year, Bryon and I made a habit of seeing awesome concerts and going on vacation together. We forced ourselves to bump God up to a higher place within our relationship and asked Him to work on our scars, and on us. We had a change in August that solidified our love for one another something fierce. My husband and I reached a greater level of intimacy and friendship than either of us has ever felt before. That's amazing and scares the hell out of us, and I can't wait to see where it continues to lead.
Also, with each passing year I feel closer to who I really am as a woman. My tastes are changing, maturing. I see beauty when I look in the mirror [most days, anyway].
I am happy. I am safe and loved and healthy. I am immensely grateful to my Creator God, my family, and my friends for loving me. I am more than blessed by the love of a beautiful husband, too.
I think 2013 will be another amazing year!