December 6, 2013

For The Love of Dierks

Dierks does it every time.

Today I listened to Dierks Bentley – “I Wanna Make You Close Your Eyes” and I was immediately standing in my kitchen in the summer of 2010. I can SMELL the memory, it is so strong. I think of it every time I hear old Dierks. Like, BOOM and my heart starts pounding.

It’s the summer and I can feel the cool linoleum under my feet as I stand in front of the sink in my kitchen. Mabel is clinging to my legs, soft and little and full of curls. The boys are playing outside riding bikes and I can smell the grass in the air.

There is a wonderful burn of steaks from the grill. The leaves are fluttering on the big trees in the backyard and the afternoon sun is lighting up my pink kitchen. I remember Bryon looking back over his shoulder, into the window – that green tee shirt he wore to mow my yard that day (*GLAHHH helookedamazing) – he grinned at me while he flipped meat and conquered the world of my heart.

His green eyes burned every time I looked into them back then. They wanted me back, sucking at me like a vortex. My boyfriend had been deeply hurt before me and yet he stood there smiling, with his whole heart completely open and ready to do it all over again. His confidence made me steady again. He made me love him with those eyes.

(photos, 2010)

Today I remembered that the man standing over his grill had actually wanted to have dinner with me so much that he loaded it up in the back of his truck and drove it 30 miles to my house. Just to cook for me! He knew that the kids would be difficult to get back and forth in an evening with school the next day (and I didn't have a grill) and so, he came to us.  Bryon did that for us.  

I’m not sure why I felt such appreciation today for the sacrifice Bryon made to pack up that grill and head down to my house. I mean, I knew it at the time and was so grateful and swoony. But here it is, 40 months later and it feels just as amazing to be loved by him like that. And I still feel the burn from his green eyes every time I stare into them. The everyday noise and chaos of our life with 4 kids certainly tries to be louder than Dierks Bentley some days. But it doesn’t often win. We still find our way back to holding hands and grinning at each other. We still make time to do all of the same things that we always have and we are so blessed because of it.

In fact, I'd say that we do MORE of it now, all these months later. We have become creative at ways to serve one another. It feels amazing to know that my husband is as equally tied to me as I am to him.  

God is amazing, isn’t He? He knew there would be a man with a grill and a wide open heart for me. And it was because of our whole, open hearts that we are as in love as we are today.

Le sigh.

I’ve been waiting for this long, hard day to be over, 
so I can rest my head right here on your shoulder. 
I just want to lay here and feel you breathe, and listen to the rhythm of your heartbeat…

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