April 9, 2014

Weddennessday: The Power of Home Depot




For whatever reason – be it hormones or the Holy Spirit – I was feeling quite the other night. As I prepared for bed I looked in the bathroom mirror and decided that I simply hadn’t felt my husband enough that day. I genuinely missed him, though he’d been right there. In fact, we went to Home Depot together and I chased him around with pipe insulation. We also stopped and picked out fishing lures and had a fishing lure lesson right next to umpteen old men. We’d giggled and held hands, too. Perhaps it was because of all of that closeness that I yearned for more of it before the day ended.    

So I wandered to bed and sat down beside his stretched-out body. I softly put my hand on his leg. He took his earbuds out and as I started to tell him what was on my mind, the tears spilled out.

When my husband looks at me with his strong eyebrows and kind eyes and beardy face, I get all smooshy inside and everything in my heart falls out of my face. Mouth, eyes, all of it.   

He told me that he had fun picking out lures with his wife. Then he spun around upside down in the bed and laid his head on my lap, wrapping his arms around me. He didn’t know exactly what to say but there was tremendous support in that silence. More tears fell out.

He smiled and offered to pray before bedtime, like he usually does. I placed my hand in his and when he drew it close to his chest, I could feel the thum-thum of his heart beneath it. I twisted around to lay my head there while he prayed. My hair spilled over his shoulder and I could feel him breathing out the words, “Thank you for this day. Please continue to love and bless us,” and I cried. The connection was so strong and the love was too much to hold in, I guess.

Thum-thum.

I still feel so immeasurably grateful. I am so blessed that he picks me up off of the floor when I’m a snotty, hormonal, girl mess.   

While I laid there on his chest, I was overcome. I held my breath, closed my eyes, and tried to soak in every ounce of detail while he prayed for us. Every breath, every noise. The feel of his chest rising and falling against my cheek. The damp, tear-stained tee shirt beneath my face. His warm hand firmly holding mine, and even the bristles on his chin that tickled my hair as he spoke. I wanted to burn it all into my brain and remember it forever.

Thum-thum.

More tears spilled out when I realized that one day, one of us will be gone and we won’t be able to pray together on earth anymore.  

Thum-thum.

I cried as I imagined my life without Bryon in it. I wanted to lay there forever and feel his unique heartbeat, hear him draw breath in and out, in and out.  

Every decision in my life led me to his arms, I thought. Every choice, every movement. Every hurdle I’d crossed and every prayer I prayed led me to him, by way of our God Almighty. It was all worth it to lay in his arms and be loved by his heart. He took so long to find.

Thum-thum.

I want more days of chasing him around in the hardware store until his cheeks turn pink. There isn’t enough time on earth to show him how much love there is inside of my heart.  But, oh I can try.

Do I hug him enough? Do I tell him often enough that he makes me truly happy? Does he know in his bones that he is an amazing husband, provider, and father?  

Thum-thum.

Does he know how he’s changed my life and made me better?

Do I show him that I appreciate him for exactly who he is, grumpy days and all?

Am I praying the right prayers for my husband?

Thum-thum.

I prayed with him, thanking God for my family and His awesome love for me. I asked forgiveness for my sins and asked God to help me appreciate even the smallest moments of joy. When Bryon finished praying I didn’t want to move away. I was soaking him in.

You know, I didn’t know it would be like this. I didn’t know that the love would feel so powerful and deep sometimes that it overflows my heart and comes out of my eyes. I didn’t know that I would give of myself so deeply that I am changed for the better, forever.  

When I sat up, we smiled. He gave me a kiss and brushed my hair back from my face. I wiped my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt because I'm classy like that.

The truth is, we don't have forever. We just have to make the most of the time we have and take advantage of opportunities to love on each other. To play and laugh and go to the hardware store together. 

For whatever reason it all hit me at once. I guess it was the power of the Home Depot. 


Barf if you must. 

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