I am desperately trying to keep my ass in gear to continue posting on the blog regularly. Scrapbooking and painting have seriously cut into my creativity window, however, and right now those outlets feel more appropriate to me. I have painted paper and canvas stacked up all over the place at home and while it is cluttery, it feels GOOOOOOD. That said, this has always been my place to speak and the spot where Nana comes to see her kin. So in that spirit, how about a birthday update?
38 years ago, Judy found herself birthing me au natural in a hospital in Utrecht. Which also means that my dad has been in Heaven 18 years now. That part sucks. But overall, a very nice birthday. My husband snuck a birthday card onto my bedside table this morning after kissing me goodbye. It was a fishing card with a sexual innuendo that I totally appreciated. Then Andy presented me with the kids’ card that was very special, signed by all four of my babies. I got a text from my Lulu, my mother-in-law, and my stepdaughter before I’d even left the house. I also managed to send a birthday suit selfie to my husband at work, so yes – good birthday.
The thing about birthdays for me, is that they make me very introspective. I begin to question my purpose in this life or at the very least look for it and pray about it. I wonder if I’ve made enough of an impact in God’s kingdom, or on the lives of my husband and my kids. I also spend time thinking about how I’d like to grow and improve over the the next year. I wondered this morning why people don’t begin their new year’s resolutions with each birthday instead of on January 1st. Makes more sense to me.
This year has truly been a turning point for me. It wasn’t one thing in particular, but a whole mess of things that clicked into place. Some of them have been unexpected, some great, and some tragic (Allie’s death was a sidekick out of nowhere) – but all of them really gave me some perspective and humility this year.
I love my Savior more than ever. I love that my husband shares this with me and has grown in his own faith this year as well. We really do pray together all the time and it is THE THING that is the gluey-est glue in our marriage. I love that Jesus saved me and God chose me and made me for a unique purpose and as my time on this earth grows on, I am grateful for all of the details in my life (even the bad days) and I am restless in pursuit of His purpose for me. I find myself speaking out more often if the Spirit moves inside of my heart. Just last week a coworker’s friend died and I emailed this woman, who is almost a stranger to me still, and reminded her about HOPE. I felt the urge to tell her that the love she had for her friend was important, I prayed for her, and I wished peace and comfort for her in the season to come. And you know what? She responded with love. It was a God moment that I never could have planned and could easily have dismissed as too risky. But I went for it. Life is short, Guys. Always, always listen to that voice.
In terms of my health this year, I have worked hard. Another year Paleo and my body is thanking me. The headaches are so rare now, my skin tone has improved, and bellyaches are a thing of the past. This summer I had bloodwork done for my new health plan and my blood chemistry and cholesterol levels were so beautiful the nurse asked me in detail about my diet. Praise God. It feels good to be disciplined and healthy. I still drink 2 liters of water a day and that is THE THING that keeps me healthiest. Adding in hot yoga with weights every week has kicked my ass into the best shape I’ve seen in at least 10 years or more. Probably ever.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to some frustration over the past year, though, mainly because whyhasittaken38dangyearsformetofinallyinvestinmyself? I mean, I even fell in love with my hair this year. God gave it to me when he knit me in Judy’s womb so, please appreciate my frustration that I hated on it for 37 years before I finally succumbed to its mostly waviness, sometimes straightness. I finally figured out how to style it, keep it healthy, and only tweak it by way of balayage. In fact, I love it so much that I’m already worrying about gray hair – I mean, do I color it and prolong the color I finally fell in love with? Or do I let it go gray and fall in love with that, too? Knowing me that would probably take until age 74. Hmpf. Oh how I just simply need to worry less.
So this next year, I plan to fall even more in love with my Savior, even more in love with my husband, and even more in love with my children. I want to start running again – to add that into my weekly regimen. I want more days in the living room doing abs because I WANT to (yeah, that weirded me out when it happened, too). The food won’t change (thanks, gluten intolerance!) but I want to learn more ways to cook Paleo for my family. I am going to keep painting and making a mess in our kitchen sink, and Lord help me I'm going to scrap up all the stories and memories and photos I can. Because LIFE IS SHORT. And I want to visit Judy more often. And Lulu. Because you MUST tell your people what they mean to you as often as possible.
From Henry David Thoreau: What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.